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“I resolve to make less than thirty new years resolutions this year, and keep at least two of them.”
Outcome: Stays up for fourteen straight days in an attempt to complete first resolution and subsequently ends up creating fifteen more.
“I resolve to be less regimented and spend more time relaxing.”
Outcome: Schedules relaxation between 3:15 and 3:42pm each afternoon, during which time they create detailed lists of how they will relax on following days.
“I resolve to party less… On weeknights… Before 5pm.”
Outcome: Drunkenly announces their resolution to five hundred of their closest friend on Thursday January 1st, at the bar, at 4pm.
“I resolve to screw over marginally less of my colleagues as I fearlessly charge towards success.”
Outcome: Keeps a detailed chart of co-workers they are not…
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